Structure Analysis

Thesis Statement

Instructor's Note: Mark the thesis statement in the essay with the color code #80cdc1, and explain why it is the thesis statement.

In the opening paragraph [Sec. #1], the last sentence as highlighted in the following quotes would be the thesis statement for the two reasons. First, it contains the keyword dementia, which is discussed throughout the entire essay. In addition, the key phrases before symptoms emerge indicates that the focus will be on early detection of dementia.

Learning your odds of eventually developing dementia — a pressing concern for many, especially those with a family history of it — requires medical testing and counseling. But what if everyday behavior, like overlooking a couple of credit card payments or habitually braking while driving, could foretell your risk? A spate of experiments is underway to explore that possibility, reflecting the growing awareness that the pathologies underlying dementia can begin years or even decades before symptoms emerge.

Essay Outline

Instructor's Note: The essay outline is based on every section except the opening section. For each section, use one brief statement to summarize the subtopic and explain the reason.

• [Sec. #2] - Early detection is better than late treatments

  The topic of this section is made very clear in the first quoted statement in this section Early detection is key, and the rest of the section talks about why early detection is better, which is particularly indicated by the key phrase the drugs are administered too late to be helpful.

• [Sec. #3] - Current approaches are expensive and may be unavailable

  In the first statement of the section, the key phrase For now implies that this section focuses on the current approaches to the detection of dementia. Crucially, in the last statement, the author points of the problems with the current approaches using keywords or phrases like expensive, invasive, and not available.

• [Sec. #4] - Personal records are indicative, but is the gain higher than the risk?

  The section header is based on the three alternative indicators of early demetia involving personal records, which are discussed the first three paragraphs in this section with key phrases like monitor driving behavior, consumer credit report, and scrutinizes phone conversations in the first statement of each of the paragraphs. The second half of the header addresses the doubts regarding privacy raised in the last paragraph of the section, as indicated in its first statement Such approaches raise concerns about privacy.

• [Sec. #5] - Knowing to prepare for the worst

  The first statement of the section includes the main topic of the section, which is to inform patients and allow the patients to know their risk. Toward the end of the first paragraph of the section, the author writes some patients responded to the information and make some changes to their lifestyle to prepare for possible dementia in the future. The last paragraph is an actual patient talking about her story in line with this topic of this section.

Coherence & Cohesion

Instructor's Note: Here I only demonstrate how to analyze coherent and cohesive writing in [Sec. #2] and [Sec. #3] of my example essay. For you, you need to complete the analysis for every single section except the first one. In the coherence part (use the color code #dfc27d for the header), you have to explain how a transition is made between two paragraphs - give two examples for each section. In the cohesion part (use the color code #a6611a for the header), give at least two examples from each section of your reanalyzed texts to explain the strategy used to establish the connection between two sentences, and at least one of the two examples does not involve the use of linkers. For cohesion examples, make strategy type texts bolded.

[Sec. #2]

Coherence

• Para #1 - Section #2 is the first paragraph that follows the opening paragraph, so its first paragraph naturally carries on to elaborate on the main topic. In the first sentence Early detection is key for intervention..., the key phrase Early detection of dementia is linked back to the main topic of the essay, which creates a natural transition into the subtopic.
• Para #2 - In the next paragraph of the same section, the first statement In recent years, many once-promising dementia drugs... still includes the keywords related to the main topic such as dementia drugs, which is a key to build a smooth transition. Furthermore, at the beginning of the statement, the author also uses in recent years to tell the readers that the focus in this paragraph is changed to things that had just happened.

Cohesion

• Para #1 - In the second sentence of the first paragraph Such efforts could help..., the author uses the phrase such effort to refer to early detection in the previous sentence, which is a strategy involving the use of demonstrative adjective to emphasize the focus of the current writing.
• Para #2 - In the third sentence of the next paragraph It could also bring improvements..., the author uses a pronoun it to refer to identifying risks earlier in the previous statement and create the logical connection.

[Sec. #3]

Coherence

• Para #1 - In the paragraph immediately before Section #3, the focus is on those happening in recent years, and in the first statement of the first paragraph in this section For now, the search for older people who are likely to develop Alzheimer’s or other dementias..., the author uses For now to indicate a change of the focus to what is happening at the point of writing. In addition, the author also use the search to refer to early detection, which is also the main point of the entire essay. Note that in the rest of the sentence, the author still includes other keywords related to the main topic to make the writing even more coherent, such as Alzheimer's and dementia.

Cohesion

• Para #1 - In the third sentence Other kinds of predictive tests..., the author adopts the strategy of using synonyms or similar wordings, namely predictive tests to connect back to the discussion in the previous statement, which is still about early detection.
• Para #1 - In the third to last sentence These approaches can’t be used..., the author uses demonstrative adjective in These approaches to put an emphasize on the current focus, namely the invasive and expensive approaches mentioned in the previous statement. Note that approach is also a synonym to method in the previous sentene.

Take-home Message

Instructor's Note: Quote the paragraph where the take-home message is inferred from, and use one statement to summarize the take-home message and mark the statement with the color code #80cdc1.

In the last paragraph of the entire essay, the author quotes the story of a participant taking part in the studies that investigate early indicators of dementia. In this story, the author's writing implies some positive aspects of understanding whether you have an early development of dementia. For example, the author shows that the odds of Alzheimer's disease is lower than the participant had feared. The author also quotes the participant's positive attitude toward the understanding of the risk despite the need to share their personal data, like I would want to use them. I'd rather know than not. Thus, we can see that in general, the author tries to convince people that there are more advantages than disadvantages to use your personal data to reveal your chance of having dementia and it's better to get fully prepared.

Paul Gondek, 68, who lives in Philadelphia and teaches social psychology at Drexel University, chose to learn his risk status two years ago, volunteering for several studies at the Penn Memory Center. Alzheimer’s tends to run in families and, having watched his mother’s slow decline from the disease, he knew he had a higher chance of developing it. To Mr. Gondek’s relief, the PET scan showed that he did not have elevated amounts of amyloid in his brain. And a calculated risk score showed that his odds of Alzheimer’s by age 85 were about 19 percent — higher than the 11 percent risk for the general population, but lower than he had feared. If other early indicators were available through driving or financial records or other behaviors and were reliable, he said, “I would want to use them. I’d rather know than not.”